Critical Investigation: learner response
1)
WWW:
- This is a seriously impressive essay: comprehensive research, real authority to your writing and a compelling, contemporary argument. The challenge is now to push this to full marks.
EBI:
- Check your written English. Spelling and punctuation is generally solid but grammar (sentence structure) is clumsy in places. This makes your argument more difficult to follow.
- You mention ideology towards the end but I wonder if you could bring Hegemony into the discussion - particularly in terms of sanitised modern hip hop.
- Can you add theory: the section on black representation surely needs Alvarado or Fanon?
- Your conclusion makes a great point but is clumsily expressed. Re-write to make sharper, more hard-hitting.
2)
Level 4, 47/48, A*
3)
- Inclusion of more media debates in relation to the question
- More historical and economical context maybe linking to African-American and economical power
- Link debates to the concept of moral panics
- Include audience, representation and post-colonialism theories as well as Marxism, Hegemony and Pluralism
- Remove the question marks on certain footnotes as page number wasn't there
- Needs more books
- Modify some of the book sources to include a page range
