Critical Investigation tutorial – second draft

Critical Investigation tutorial – second draft

• This is a truly magnificent essay – it undoubtedly deserves full marks but just requires a few minor changes to get there. 
• Topic sentences need a little work in places – often you launch into a quote when actually a short, simple sentence introducing the paragraph and developing the argument is required first.
• Similarly for written English – very good but a few issues to address if I am to award 48/48.
• Finally, be careful with passages of description when it comes to the music videos – just make sure there’s enough media terminology/film language so it’s textual analysis rather than describing narrative.
• Your conclusion is absolutely brilliant – but the very end of it is quite hard to read so have a look at the bit I’ve highlighted.
• I need a word count – but it doesn’t seem too long and the essay reads so well currently don’t make major changes.
• Make these minor changes and then re-submit for full marks.